…Movember, this article offers some insights for men.
I keep hearing the term ‘toxic masculinity’ but rarely that I hear toxic femininity. The term toxic is toxic. The subconscious mind cannot be addressed with quick-fix terminology and a worksheet. If it offers lip service it adds to the problem and carries on suppressing and putting pressure on the already burdened part.
The toxicity happens around this activity of where attention goes, neural firing flows, and information energy grows. This activity will expand around the negative view of the self. And create evidence that will show up in action-taking, which can start to form and/ or be a part of an already existing unhealthy/ toxic behavioral pattern.
So in this short insight, we got the toxicity around the view. And not around the characteristic of masculinity. In my practice, I help men. And so far the word that I hear the most is: powerful. When the realization and the new biochemistry offer a powerful somatic experience and a healthier mindset. And that, my man, is powerful.
Toxic, where are you?
But I also observe when they have struggled to show up with their power, that through the lenses see themselves as exhausted and burdened. To be strong is not toxic. To be masculine is not toxic. The poison is around the unresolved traumatic pain points not around masculinity. Toxicity is also around societal and cultural lenses that want to shape men into an artificially created frame. Can unresolved trauma present itself in negative, manipulative, aggressive physical verbal, or nonverbal communication, absolutely? However, the so-called toxic behavioral pattern originates from unresolved trauma and not from masculinity.
Toxicity can show up when you are fighting with your limits at the subconscious level. In one article it cannot be remedied and one worksheet will not offer a solution either.
What does then?
Learning to notice a repetitive physiological sign or narrative when it shows up can take you closer to understanding more about it. Notice your bodily reactions first…this will be the start of the explorative journey. And on it, you will discover pain and pleasant sensations and most importantly your powerful being which wants to show up in a healthy, courageous, and compassionate characteristic of masculinity as well.
What contributes to the unhealthy side is not feeling safe internally. And this aspect along with many others will need to be resolved first.
And it is ok to feel this way
Men were told don’t be…the don’t be emotional for example constantly fuelling the identity crisis and as it creates unserving and default limiting beliefs. Showing empathy, compassion, and love towards the self are the expression of weakness through societal lenses for example. There are techniques you can learn to rewrite the internalized narratives.
If you want to have a better relationship with your existing internalized narratives and generally speaking with people around you then you need to learn to accept the vulnerable side the parts that store emotions. It is okay to be emotional in other words the energy needs to learn to move. There are numerous paths to unlearn the old and learn to align the new notion, motion, and emotion. This is your responsibility.
Who cares?
I hear this often from men: ‘Nobody cares, nobody gives the F’, especially in prisons. Well some of us do, I do give the F but the realization of- you need help- will need to come from you.
The world needs powerful men, especially now that through the lenses the vilification and demasculization of men keep showing up in numerous ways. I often say you can’t make this BS up and I quickly make a conclusion that the disconnected bodily systems can at the macro and micro level they can.
So find those who are willing to pull you up, find your team, and go on a journey to fulfill your purpose, you deserve to know it and you deserve to have it.
I wish you well on your healing journey.